My Relationship with Batteries…It’s Complicated

I’m writing this blog post sitting outside of my favorite sandwich shop on my 9 year old Macbook Air. I’m outside because it’s 90 degrees and breezy and not 105 degrees and oven-like. Problem is, my battery is almost dead because the battery has lost its luster over the past 9 years and there isn’t a plug in sight.

Much like a lot of the “planned obsolescent” devices that are sold today, there is no easy way to replace the battery. I have two choices; buy a new $1,000+ laptop or only go to places where I can easily plug in the charger, rendering the portability of a laptop, useless.

I need things to work. It’s 2021 and I want to plop my remote-ass down anywhere I’d like and put in a full day of keyboard smashing without touching a charger. Battery chemistry has certainly improved (see electric car boom), but batteries become a maintenance issue over time and I don’t want to be forced to replace my pre-historic laptop because my battery said F-you.

Don’t Take My Wires

Contrastingly, I much prefer a wired keyboard and mouse when I’m fixed at my desktop computer. I was around when the wireless keyboard and mice (mouses?) first hit the market. They were all the rage and I had to give it go. I wasn’t really sure why I needed wireless versions of these periphs, but I had to try.

Set up was fairly simple and this was even before Bluetooth. You had a little dongle that you’d plug in and the computer just recognized it as if it were a regular ol’ wired keyboard.

Everything was great for awhile, I could show my friends that I could play Counter Strike from the comfort of my recliner, no wires attached. Then, as I was just about to reach l33t status, my mouse died and I was immediately stabbed in the back by both my multiplayer opponent and my wireless mouse.

Time and time again, I was replacing batteries and I had to start thinking about the cost of ownership for a keyboard and mouse. Nah, I’m out.

The nail in the coffin for me was when Apple designed this atrocity. Not only do you have to flip over the mouse to charge it, rendering it useless, the batteries aren’t replaceable. Who green lit this one? Vomit emojii.

Breakfast for a Kid’s Toy

Nom nom nom, that’s the sound of a kid’s toy chowing down 6 AA batteries in a single serving. Since having kids, I’ve collected several battery-powered toys that only take non-chargeable batteries.

Granted, a lot of these toys will last a very long time on a set of regular 1.5V AA Alkaline batteries (the cheapest kind), hat tip to the designer.

I’d prefer using rechargeable batteries but oftentimes, the 1.2V from the rechargeable isn’t enough to power the kid’s toy or at least not make it sound like it’s possessed, [deep voice] “play with me!”

I understand that it’s not a good idea to have a plug for these toys, not only is it portability issue, it’s also a hazard. Also, the amount of toys usually far outweighs the number of available plugs. Sometimes I wish that I had the balls to buy one toy; it would be obvious to know what to play with AND there would never be a mess.

Batteries, Will You Marry Me?

Don’t get me wrong, batteries allow us to do wonderful things on the go. My phone battery pretty much lasts all day and it usually outpaces my laptop. Uninterruptible Power Supplies (UPSs) have saved my ass countless times.

My next car is probably going to be a Cybertruck and I’m all for an electric future. I know that there are people in clean rooms somewhere trying to crack the battery chemistry code. Until then, I will selectively buy battery powered devices that can take replaceable, rechargeable batteries to minimize my charge anxiety.

I want to have a meaningful battery relationship but you have to meet my standards.

Annnnnd my laptop battery is dea